Coping with Insecurity
Hello my lovelies!
I’m writing to you today from the beautiful Lucky Finn Cafe in Scituate, Massachusetts. Part cafe, part gallery, it’s whitewashed walls overlook the harbor and iconic Old Scituate Lighthouse. The back door to the deck is open for the first time since winter blew onshore, oil canvases of the ocean and dunes peer down from the walls, and as my hand moves across the page murmured conversations tumble through the air.
The Challenge: Coping with Insecurity
I’m sure you can relate; you’re super excited about a new project, from an epic work project to minor career shift to lifestyle improvement scheme, most of us love to tackle something shiny and new.
It goes like this, we dive in, but within a few days or weeks we have that moment when we say, “Gah! What was I thinking?! How is this gonna work?” Then our minds start spinning excuses; now isn’t the right time, I’m just not ready, I don’t have the time, it probably won’t work anyway, they’ll all figure out I’m really a fraud, and on and on.
I’m no stranger to this phenomena. Currently I’m knee deep, wading in the muck of creation as I work on my literary memoir. At times, I feel completely awkward and unsure, I feel suddenly exhausted when it’s time to write “Oh I can’t write today” negative mind sneers, “I’m just too tired.” But I don’t listen, I press on.
The Challenge Decoded: Recognizing Insecurity
Like a gangly young foal frolicking in the pasture, or a knobby limbed teenager, we grow in fits and starts. Awkward with ourselves, we’re unsure in our skin, and want to contract back in to protect our vulnerabilities.
Our edges shift and wiggle-seeking new shapes as they expand outward. Awkward bursts of growth are often coupled with wretched insecurity.
Rest assured, this is normal.
You may feel an inevitable contraction. Nurture this, yet also resist it. This is the trick.
Your Takeaway: Amass your posse
A useful way to shift this challenge is to enlist a posse of people who support you. Choose people you can trust, who you know have your best interest at heart, and who will not be threatened by your growth. They may be friends, family or service providers who can help. Make a written list, get specific on what each person has to offer, and what role you’d like them to play.
Here’s a snippet of my list (names changed to respect privacy!), so you can get the idea:
- Beth-super empathic. Can keep me in check so I don’t take on too much. Weekly phone/lunch dates.
- Fred-acupuncture. Keep my energy flowing and body healthy so I can do my work. Schedule monthly appointment.
- Betty-emotional support. Weekly tea date and or outdoor walks.
- Ben-super intelligent and creative. Creative consultation and overall project discussion. Bi-weekly conversation to ‘check-in’
After you’ve made your list, talk to each friend. Explain your project, why it’s important to you, and what specific help you’d like from them. They’ll be thrilled for you, and will appreciate feeling needed and loved by you! Their support will help you through the ups and downs of your project, keeping insecurity in check so it doesn’t overshadow your growth.
Find people who support your growth. Then, go forth and shine!