Gita's Broken Heart...a little story...
Once upon a time, my heart was completely broken. It lay in the center of my chest, shrouded in armor. It’s power shattered and encased in a thick armor of fear and anxiety. I was addicted to work, diet coke and anxiety. I was in a failing marriage to my beloved best friend who was struggling with a crippling addiction to drugs and alcohol. To the outside world I was a success: a myriad of degrees, thriving career teaching college and providing music therapy services, athletic endeavors, happy marriage, cool house. But my interior life was shambles, tears and loneliness. I was one grumpy Little Miss Gita.
One day, after a particularly delightful yoga class, I sat out on my deck in Chicagoland and began to meditate. I had just learned a heart-centered meditation and was looking forward to a peaceful respite. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, let all the sounds of nature filter through my consciousness, and turned my attention to my heart. Or, I tried to. I got as far as my collarbones and my awareness hit a black wall, the sensation freaked me out as I tried again and again to reach something, anything resembling warm heart-opening, heart-pumping, warm-emotion anything in my chest. I tried to feel my heartbeat. I tried feel warmth in my chest. I tried to feel sensations and emotions coming from this vibrant place. But I got nothing. In a blind panic I almost stopped breathing. No warmth, no heartbeat, no trace of emotion.
It was like I had thrown up shields around my heart and couldn’t get my senses to feel something, anything. I felt deeply disconnected from myself, utterly shocked at how far I had removed myself from my source of power. I had always been the touchy-feely one, the hugger, the emoter, the social butterfly. Sitting in meditation with no distractions forced me to recognize that even though I still faked these qualities, I didn’t actually feel their genuine inception anymore.
Reality check smack down complete, I felt deeply sad that I had walled off my source of power, that my emotive self was shriveling. Sitting in silence forced me to sit fully with how I actually felt, rather than the facade I presented to myself and the world. Reckoning with this current state was shocking and painful, but real. And real awareness was my first step to healing my broken heart. I began to do the only thing I know to do when my emotions and rational mind run out of rope, I chant.
Check out this video from my archives, and see how one of my favorite chants Om Shanthi, soothes even a savage (ok, not so savage) beast!
Power to the Om
Chanting gave a yummy physical vibration that I could feel and sense, opening up areas of blocked muscular tension and energy, and gave me direction with a positive focus. Chanting was a tangible practice that gave me a direct experience of connection to myself, the present moment, and to the infinite field of energy that is ever present.
Fast forward oodles of years, a whole lotta chanting later, and I’m happy to say that my heart has been opened, re-opened, and blown wide open! It now hums along on all cylinders ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum I’ve got love for you!
Open your heart with me!
Check out my video, I'll teach you a simple and powerful chant that will instantly get your cells, mind and heart vibrating in happy little wiggles!
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